Love and Lies An Essay on Truthfulness Deceit and the Growth and Care of Erotic Love A provocative and unsettling look at the nature of love and deceptionIs it possible to love well without lying At least since Socrates s discourse on love in Plato s Symposium philosophers have argue

  • Title: Love and Lies: An Essay on Truthfulness, Deceit, and the Growth and Care of Erotic Love
  • Author: Clancy Martin
  • ISBN: 9780374281069
  • Page: 437
  • Format: Hardcover
  • A provocative and unsettling look at the nature of love and deceptionIs it possible to love well without lying At least since Socrates s discourse on love in Plato s Symposium, philosophers have argued that love can lead us to the truth about ourselves and the ones we love But in the practical experience of erotic love and perhaps especially in marriage we find that loveA provocative and unsettling look at the nature of love and deceptionIs it possible to love well without lying At least since Socrates s discourse on love in Plato s Symposium, philosophers have argued that love can lead us to the truth about ourselves and the ones we love But in the practical experience of erotic love and perhaps especially in marriage we find that love and lies often work hand in hand, and that it may be difficult to sustain long term romantic love without deception, both of oneself and of others Drawing on contemporary philosophy, psychoanalysis and cognitive neuroscience, his own personal experience, and such famed and diverse writers on love as Shakespeare, Stendhal, Proust, Adrienne Rich, and Raymond Carver, Clancy Martin himself divorced twice and married three times explores how love, truthfulness, and deception work together in contemporary life and society He concludes that learning how to love and loving well inevitably requires lying, but also argues that the best love relationships draw us slowly and with difficulty toward honesty and trust.Love and Lies is a relentlessly honest book about the difficulty of love, which is certain to both provoke and entertain.

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      Published :2019-03-22T17:20:57+00:00

    One thought on “Love and Lies: An Essay on Truthfulness, Deceit, and the Growth and Care of Erotic Love”

    1. I originally discovered Clancy Martin while reading the Vice Fiction Issue from 2012. He had written a piece called Whores I Have Loved. The piece begins with him in Mexico, after his second marriage has just ended, and he’s fallen for a former debutante from Georgia who has tossed off the prospect of going to Med School in favor of chasing adventure, landing her working as a prostitute in a Mexican whorehouse. Dr. Martin wrote about how night after night he would sit and watch and wait as she [...]

    2. Could not finish the book, sorry to say. It felt it would not have added much to my reading experience.

    3. This is a truly unique book. The contents are simple: Prologue: Why I wrote this book. 1. A Brief Introduction to the Morality of Deception, 2. Childhood, 3. First Loves, 4. Erotic Love, 5. Marriage. (The author is currently in his 3rd marriage). This is a small, relatively short book, and is crammed with various philosophical viewpoints, literary references and interpretations, many antidotes from the author's own life (some will make you blush, and kudos to him for having the courage to put th [...]

    4. Beautifully written prose with deep-cutting honesty. Author Martin opens the narrative with shocking and, sometimes uncomfortable, episodes. As the book progresses, the reader feels the naivety and rawness of the characters he writes about. This is truly a deep and sincere account of the events of the author’s life. He brings an authentic and open approach to seemingly mundane life experiences.Because of the elegant way Author Martin approaches his emotions, he effectively captivates the reade [...]

    5. Why I abandoned it - in one sentence: Because as interesting as it is, I haven't picked it up in so long that I've forgotten the first half.I probably would have given it: four stars

    6. How strange that a book about love and its connection to lies should be filled with so much truth. As someone with a complicated view of marriage, I found this manifesto both hopeful and refreshing. As Martin concludes, love is more a refining of truth about the partnership, and less a commitment to truth between partners. To keep the enchantment of love alive, therefore, should be the aim of any couple; that there is an inherent untruth to romance is a fact, but this does not make it any less p [...]

    7. From a very young age, we immediately trust those around us until we are let down. Adrienne Rich writes, "When we discover that someone we trusted can be trusted no longer, it forces us to reexamine the universe, to question the whole instinct and concept of trust. For a while, we are thrust back onto some bleak, jutting ledge, in a dark pierced by sheets of fire, swept by sheets of rain, in a world before kinship." (57-8) Because of this, we begin lying at a very young age by telling people wha [...]

    8. Is it possible to love well without lying? Martin argues that not only is this possible, but imperative to loving well. This is a subversive, jangling book, almost unprecedented in its apparent honesty. He riffs quite a bit on Aristophanes, which to my mind bolsters the overall argument in support of deception as a means to understanding and more fully enjoying the nature of love. Martin sweetens the sauce with some choice observations by Shakespeare, Proust and Stendhal -- heavy hitters in conv [...]

    9. My straight-forward review: I don't think it is ever a good idea to blur the lines of reality. Does that mean I won't in the context of a relationship? Honestly, no, but it does mean that this essay of a book made me feel extremely sick.Books that drive me to the toilet automatically get all points deducted from the final score, even if I've said before that I rate based on effectiveness of word more than whether I liked it.There's a possibility that the reason I got so sick is related to the me [...]

    10. The premise is that deception and self-deception are required and willingly encouraged in love and sex. E.g. you choose either hopeful romance or banal reality. Essentially you create a fantasy that has no foundation, and day by day, a foundation appears under what was once a castle in the sky. It is an entirely different philosophy of romance, and reading the book will affect you. You're creating something out of thin air, but before you know it, you have created something real out of thin air. [...]

    11. I started this book so long ago that it's hard to summarize the parts that I've already incorporated into my daily life. Suffice it to say: it was a paradigm-shifting read for me. A good complement to someone already thinking in a psychoanalytical style. There were parts I didn't love, but I loved the book.How can you not love this re-framing of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? "He’s lonely. But in his attempt to deal with his loneliness, he winds up losing his friends entirely."

    12. I picked this up at Stories. He never really did describe the lies it is necessary to tell in love, but he certainly made a strong case for minimal deception. I enjoyed the Nietzsche quotes and his embarrassing personal anecdotes about infidelity, masturbation, obsessive love, crack, jewelry selling, etc.

    13. I read two chapters of the book, about the erotic love and marriage. I have not thought about these issues before. Some juicy stories about the author's own love and sex life. Equally interesting is the philosophical discussions.

    14. Some of the best bits of this book are the explorations of what philosophy and art have to say about love and self-deception. Quotes from C.S. Lewis, Kierkegaard, Shakespeare, Proust, Sartre, Nietzsche. However, I often found the argument and its tone very irksome.

    15. I feel like reading "How to Sell," Martin's fine novel, has forever skewed how I read his work. An interesting look at lies and love, but one that is often too caught up in Martin's experiences.

    16. Novelist and philosopher Clancy Martin is brutally honest in his book on deception and self-deception. There are a lot of truths in Love & Lies. An entertaining, thought provoking, must read.

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